Suicide Prevention Day

I could share my story with you like it happened yesterday, but it's not about the pain I went through anymore. It's about the love that I found, the love that brought me through the pain. I was 16 when I made my last mark to my body. Still young, but the four years of self-harm were never innocent. I had pain, I had a lot of pain, I wasn't sure if I wanted to live or die, and I had no one to talk to. 

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There are stories just like mine and people still hurting, and there are people who believe we just want attention. It was never about attention, no one ever knew my pain, no one ever saw my scars. No one even cared to ask. The stories that no ones shared yet, those are my worst nightmares. Another girl is out there; holding in pain, regret, holding back tears and hiding under a smile. 

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Two years ago I met a young girl. I'm gonna call her Jane, and she was trying to hide pain. She was beautiful, peppy, and so many look up to her. But she had scars that she couldn't show. I had a chance to share my story with Jane, I saw her daily. On this day, two years ago I knew that it would be a good day to make an impact. I knew when and where I would run into Jane, so I wrote love on my am. She would know what it meant, and she would understand that I was supporting her. When I saw Jane, she too had written love on her arm. 

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Sometimes it's just giving the love and attention to little things. Those who seem to be living life "okay" may also be trying to hide. Our world needs to have open eyes. Our world needs to see the effect that it could be having, and realize the one that it actually has. You, all of us as individuals need to stop living only for ourselves. It's not all about us. Join me, join TWLOHA in showing support today towards others who are hurting, and who have attempted or thought about attempting suicide. 

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This is the Love I had written on my arm two years ago. 

I now have love permanently written on my arm as a daily reminder to myself, and a great conversation starters with others. 

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Romans 5:8 

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Speak up. For you or someone else.  Check out TWLOHA. 

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Don't let silence win. 

2 John 1:3

“Grace, mercy and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love.”

Just keep swimming

A father was attempting to teach his daughter how to swim. As he stood in the water encouraging her to jump to him, the only think running through her mind was the question of whether or not her father was actually going to catch her. She wanted to be positively sure that her father would save her from drowning, trying to build her trust in her father. As she took off and jumped into the water the father moved a step backwards, and as she continued swimming towards him he continued stepping backwards. She was giving it everything that she had each step that he took backwards as he encouraged her to continue swimming to him, to swim further and closer to him.

Now you can imagine what some of the thoughts going through the daughters head might be as she is paddling her hardest to catch her father. "Why is he moving away from me, why isn't he saving me, I'm going to drown and he is running from me?"

These thoughts, this idea of a daughter trying to catch her father, are a lot of the thoughts and feelings that I have had since returning from Fort Thompson South Dakota back to Manhattan Kansas. I haven't been home long, but I've been home long enough to know that I don't feel at home. That's a rough thing for me to say, but it's so true. I know how many friends and family and loved ones I have here, but I know that I have a calling for more.

Since I was a little girl my mom has told me that I would never be close to home. I didn't really know what that meant because until I was 17 I didn't know what God had planned for my life. I'm not going to live close to home, God's got something greater for me, and I don't know what that means. For right now I know that God has me here. That truth has been my only comfort since coming home. God has me here, and there is purpose for me being here.

Whether that be the awesome youth group I volunteer with, the kids that I'll be working with when I get back to work, the community that I have around me, the family that I'm not to far from, the awesome lifegroup and church that I am involved in or just the day to day people that I'll see. The friends that I have that aren't to far from me, and that I don't have the opportunity to see often. Whatever it is, I trust that God will show me His purpose....eventually.

I feel like I am aiming to get closer to God, to reach out to him and learn his plans for my life. The further I get from the ledge, the more He keeps looking me in the eyes and telling me to keep swimming. If I start to doubt or drown I know He will reach His hand out to save me, but He's trusting me with the swim and teaching me to trust Him with the plans.

I know I haven't shared a lot about my summer or details on everything. If you want to know those details, or if you have any questions about my summer you can email me: hfrost@mccks.edu

-Holly