Pray Day...Take 2

This is my vulnerability and personal request this week.

This past Sunday at church our pastor was hitting the topic of money hard, and said this:

“If you are struggling financially, more than likely God is not number one in your heart.” He used Matthew 6:21 “where your treasure is, there your heart is also.”

 I firmly believe that my heart is fully aligned with God, but I have never trusted him fully with my finances. Today as I was driving home to visit my family I was thinking over my financial struggles, and over what Barry had said. I started just talking with God, and I surrendered. The conversations that followed that afternoon with my family was undeniably God working through their words to confirm in me that I was ready to trust him with my finances.

As my older brother: who is a dad of three kids and has taken on the task of raising my two youngest siblings, and I were sitting on the couch we started talking about financial struggles. I wasn’t sharing anything at the time he made this comment “Holly you and I have gone through hell to support ourselves, and we don’t get recognized for how far we’ve come.” This got me on three different thoughts: 1. It sucks that we don’t get recognized, 2. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for anything, and 3. I don’t think I share often the struggles I’ve come through to get to where I am. 

As most of you know I am getting ready to take off for the summer to South Dakota, and well there is a lot I have to take care of financially. My internship is unpaid, and I am just graduating college. I have been living paycheck to paycheck for most of the five years I’ve been in school. I also pay my own bills: phone, rent, etc. Leaving and not having a firm cushion under me is a terrifying feeling, but my mom’s comment today got to my heart. As we were talking about all these things I had to take care of and the total cost that we were looking at ($1200ish) I got frustrated and over anxious. She looked at me and asked, is this what God has called you too? My response “…yes. I’ve never been so sure!” She said “then God wouldn’t send you if he didn’t trust you. Where is your trust in him?”

So, on my drive back to Manhattan I was so upset and sick to my stomach because I wasn’t sure if I could really do this. As I was frustrated and asking God if he really trusted me, I got a tweet sent to my phone from a good friend. She wasn’t talking to me or about me, but it made so much since in the situation. “Will you stop complaining and recognize that you’re not in control of everything?” (@brittanirshank) My thought was “OKAY GOD. FINE, YOU’RE IN CONTROL. WHAT NOW!?”

This is how this post has come about. God has hit me hard with being transparent, and the number one thing I hate admitting is that I need financial support. I have a do it myself mindset, and attitude. But God is showing me that The Body of Christ works as one. I’m not asking for your money so I can go off and live care free, I’m asking for prayer support. I’m asking that you’ll pray for God to open doors for me. I’m asking that you’ll pray blessings over my summer, and the ministry that’ll I’ll be working with. That’s what God has asked me to ask for, and to let him open doors for financial support or opportunities.

I thought God was crazy at 2:30 this afternoon for asking me to write about this and I had that thought for two different reasons. 1. No one reads my blog, and 2. No one wants to read another financial need. I want to just finish with this; Barry said on Sunday that “We grow by making a commitment. We need to say I’m in. Growing involves being stretched.” I love knowing who is praying for me, so please once you read this and if you decide to add me to your prayer list, I just ask that you email me and if you want even type up a prayer so I can have it. J Ya’ll rock and I appreciate your support in all the things God is doing in me.