5. 7. 2012

**NOTE** I started this blog because I wanted to be able to say things that I didn't want parts of my family reading. I wanted to be able to speak about things that happened, that I knew they would never read. It's been so long since I've written here, because I used it to write truth and how God was using me. I haven't spoke spoken about about God in a few years, because I wasn't sure he was there.  I was convinced I was too broken, and I let others tell me that lie. I'm gonna move forward. I'm gonna continue to share my life through this blog. Today's post is a flash back to the worst day of my life. It's an inside to how truly broken I was, and how well I was able to hide it; like most things, from the family I never wanted to read this blog.

I remember every detail from that day. It was just another Monday in college, and I went to work at 6am and I would be in the kitchen till about 1pm that day. I remember I was on lunch dish duty. I didn't mind it because I got to put my headphones in and ignore the world. My mom tried to call my while I was in the dish room. I sent her an automated text back that I was busy. Then the call came from my brother, and I ignored that too. Just a little after noon that day, I got a text from my sister saying "Holly, I'm so sorry." That was it, it was simple. I knew immediately something was wrong. I stepped outside, and called my mom back. I didn't have to say a word, she was crying and all I got heard was, "He's gone. Holly your Uncle David is gone." I lost my shit. Not even kidding you I tried to run away from it, I got across the street from our parking lot and I couldn't breathe. My body was being crushed by so much pain. I remember looking down the street just thinking no, no, no. I've never been that broken in front of anyone. I don't let those parts of me show. So when my suitemate saw me she didn't know what to do to help. She called my best friend, and I just remember her holding me on the sidewalk and I wept.That was the end of that day for me. I didn't go to class, I don't remember talking to anyone else. I hid in Shannon's room. I didn't even answer my phone when my family called. I made an awful choice following this day. I didn't want to be around my family that weekend; so I went off to the lake with friends, and ignored all my pain.

Uncle David was my biggest hero. He was my male role model growing up, and he was the one guy who I knew always had my back. When we died, we weren't talking. I was so mad at him. A few months earlier we were talking on the phone and he told me I was going to turn out just like the rest of my family. I was not going to amount to nothing, and I wasn't following my own route. I was pissed he would think so little of me. I know he was trying to push me into being the best me, and to follow my dreams, but I'm too stubborn to admit that he was right. That was the last conversation I had with him. That's a conversation I can't forget. That's a conversation that motivates me for ever. I know he'd be proud of me. I know that he would tell me I'm doing good, but I'll never hear it from him. I'll never hear his voice again.

I can't explain the hurt that this day carries with me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to word the emotions the way I feel them. I hoped that writing out my memories would help sort the feelings. I hoped by sharing this it would remind me of the impact Uncle D has on my life.

My silver lining....it's hopeful

I should be showering...or sleeping because I work stupid early and I've been in the sun all day today. But, this is important to me and I want to share it.

Brittani and I have had a shitty storm hit us lately. We are looking for a place to live, a cheaper place while I can go to school and it hasn't been easy. On top of that, a 15 year old totaled our car. It wasn't a great car, but it was our only daily driver. So now we are unsure of where we will be living in August, unsure of how we'll be getting around, and on top of it...I'm wanting to go back to school and we're unsure of how we're going to pay for it. Like I said, we're having a shitty storm hit our life. Here's what my thoughts are...this isn't the worst thing I've ever faced. It's not going to be the hardest thing that Britt and I are going to face. We don't know the outcome, we can't predict what's gonna happen in this coming month, but we know we'll be okay. 

Tonight as I was driving from wamego to Manhattan, and there was a storm that had just passed to the south of us, and I look and see some clouds with a beautiful silver lining. I've heard that phrase a million times, and I've never ever thought that maybe I could see a silver lining. I can't see this one, but I can feel it. Like feel that this situation is going to have a hopeful ending. I'm excited for it. Just waiting it out sucks. 

"I'm coming out"

Sunday October 10, 2015

was the first day my girlfriend and I told anyone we were dating. We were staying at her parents house, and earlier that night we attended one of her best friend's weddings. So obviously there were a lot of feelings in the air and we couldn't hide all of them! Especially from her brother and his girlfriend. I mean, you try attending a wedding where everyone around you is kissing, dancing and expressing love while you sit in silence with the one you're dating. It was not exactly ideal.

      That night I thought I was going to be going to bed early, but Britt walked in and said that Ry wanted to talk to us..."I THINK HE KNOWS!" I hopped out of bed, with some liquid encouragement, and I was ready to finally tell someone about why my life had become so happy! Telling Ry was no big deal.  He was supportive, encouraging, and convinced us that we could tell Britt's parents without any hate from them. Ry and Sarah were right. Once we told Britt's parents the next morning, they hugged us and told us they were extremely happy that we were happy. It was the second-best moment of my life! Someone now knew, and it could only get better from there...right!? 

     Britt and I have only been together for 15 months, and since telling her family a year ago we have experienced so truly great moments together. But we have had our fair share of tough times too. 

      We met how I always planned on meeting the one I would spend the rest of my life with; we met in church. We have a HUGE heart to serve God, a want to help others. and a desire to spread love. I could probably say without a doubt in my mind, that that is our life goal. We never expected to end up in a relationship together.  At the time we became good friends I was crushing on a guy who I served in ministry with. Her and I would talk about it, and she was always supportive of it. 

      As I left the state for the summer, Britt and I grew closer. It wasn't until much later that I had a thought about her in a romantic way. You can imagine the pressure I felt with those feelings. "Are they real?" "God, what is your plan with this?" "Can I make this work with what I want to do with my life?" "God, did I do something against you?" "Are you still using me the way you want too?" I can't say that to start I was happy with these feelings, but I was definitely okay with them. Britt made me happy, and I didn't want to lose that feeling. I needed her, but who knew God would be pulling her heart in the same way!? CRAZY.

      We aren't even fully "out of the closet". For some reading this, it will be confirmation of the gossip you've been hearing. I'm fully aware that some people are going to walk out of my life, but most people that I was afraid to lose in the beginning of this have already walked away. So staying "in the closet" is only hurting us. It's only hurting the story that God could be using us for. I've done a lot with my life, but until Britt came into it I never had support like I do now. Most of my friends I was scared of telling but now know have already done one of two things: One - They walked away knowing I still loved them, or...Two - They've stayed and continued to love me for me. Either way I am happy, and I am 100% positive that God is using Brittani and I in a bigger way than we could ever imagine. 

      Advice: I know that I probably have friends who are in a similar situation. Friends who are creating their own coming out stories. Friends who are terrified, trying to figure it all out. Trying to figure out who they are. It's not easy, not even close! It's terrifying and will more than likely make you physically sick. Some people who you share this with are going to react exactly like you thought they would. Some will shock you in a multitude of ways. The love I share with Britt is more than worth it. I've had a strong support system created around me. Did I ever have feelings for other girls? No. I don't think I did. If I did it was nothing like the feelings I have for Britt. 

     When we told Britt's parents, Britt was super nervous so I kind of just spit the words out for her. I don't know if they were really shocked, but I do know that it didn't change anything. Afterwards, Ry and Sarah walked into the room playing "I'm coming out" and that helped lighten the weight off our shoulders. :) 

Telling my mom was different. I told her just a week later. I remember it was raining and I walked her out to her car. I stood there and hugged her...then the words just came out of my mouth. As she held back her tears, she hugged me telling me that she was happy if I was happy. It's probably been a little harder on my family, but they love me so I know that I can count on them to continue to love me and grow with me. 

No, it hasn't been easy and it's not all butterflies and rainbows. BUT it has been worth it. Why would I share the bad, when we have so much good to look forward to? Coming out is a beautiful experience. It should be a good thing! 

Thank you to all of our support team! Friends, family, strangers...we love and appreciate you all so much! 

Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't care.

Over the past year there have been a lot of changes in my life, and I just want you to know that just because I'm not there anymore, doesn't mean I don't care.

I had to do what was best for me. For some that's hard to understand. I had to leave parts of my life that I loved, because I loved them more than I should have. I was over invested, and not giving life the attention it needed. I was running myself thin and losing myself in all the rambles. I was no longer who I wanted to be, but that doesn't mean I no longer care.

I made my decisions fast, like ripping of a bandaid. I can promise you it hurt me more than it did you. You were important to me, and I still care.

But I can't be there, and I can't go back. I can't put myself back in that vulnerable place. I've healed, and I'm happy.

My life has never had more meaning then it does now. My life has never seen this kind of happy. Yes I miss you and I miss being there, but I'm happy. I can see that you're happy too. Which is helpful to me because I know I didn't just abandon you.

You're stronger now, you've built yourself up to become the strong individual you are. I'm happy for you. I'm happy to see you moving mountains and taking leaps of faith you wouldn't of a year ago. You're strong, and I didn't make you strong. You did. You did it all on your own.

I told you I could no longer be there, but that doesn't mean I still don't care. 💛

To my single mom on Mother's Day

To my single mom on Mother's Day,

You are amazing. I never would have survived the craziest parts of my life without you. You know all my secrets, all my scars, all my fears, you know me better than anyone else.

You raised six kids to your best ability all on your own. All six of us at one point or another doubted that you could do it. Doubted that you had what it took. We doubted that we would get what we wanted. We doubted your love for us. We were young and dumb, and we didn't know all the sacrifices you made for us.

We didn't know that you gave up new clothes that you desperately needed to get us a new pair of basketball shoes. We didn't know that you skipped meals to make sure that we got as much food as we wanted. We didn't know that you working a second job meant that you could pay the bills. We didn't know all the time you spent working and not with us was so that we could have what we needed. We didn't understand that you were trying to make life better for us when we moved away from our friends. We didn't know that you were trying to make life better for us when you kicked dad out. We didn't understand why you took the hits that were meant for us. I didn't understand any of it.

Until now. I now understand why you did everything for us. I now understand why you did all of the things that we couldn't understand when we were young. I now understand that you showed all of us what it is like to love unconditionally. You showed us what it looks like to work hard, to provide, to do whatever it takes to make ends meet.

You have a son, who you showed what it looks like to provide and lead a family. You have a daughter who you showed how to love unconditionally and always take chances. You have another son that you showed to never give up. You have your youngest daughter that you've showed that sometimes making the hardest decisions are the best examples of love.

And you have me. You've shown me unconditional love, you've shown me that it's okay to take my own path, that it's okay to fight for what you love, that it's okay to leave your past behind you. You've shown me what a good mother looks like. You've shown me that I don't have to live a life hiding from things I'm scared of, but to face those fears head on. To never give up. To love everyone, and to live life to the fullest. But most of all you've taught me to never forget where I came from. You've taught me to never forget that when I'm in need, to hit my knees and pray. Pray hard, and trust God.

To my single mom on Mother's Day. You are a true super hero. You are my role model. You are the best example of a mother. You are my best friend, and I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Happy Mother's Day.

Suicide Prevention Day

I could share my story with you like it happened yesterday, but it's not about the pain I went through anymore. It's about the love that I found, the love that brought me through the pain. I was 16 when I made my last mark to my body. Still young, but the four years of self-harm were never innocent. I had pain, I had a lot of pain, I wasn't sure if I wanted to live or die, and I had no one to talk to. 

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There are stories just like mine and people still hurting, and there are people who believe we just want attention. It was never about attention, no one ever knew my pain, no one ever saw my scars. No one even cared to ask. The stories that no ones shared yet, those are my worst nightmares. Another girl is out there; holding in pain, regret, holding back tears and hiding under a smile. 

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Two years ago I met a young girl. I'm gonna call her Jane, and she was trying to hide pain. She was beautiful, peppy, and so many look up to her. But she had scars that she couldn't show. I had a chance to share my story with Jane, I saw her daily. On this day, two years ago I knew that it would be a good day to make an impact. I knew when and where I would run into Jane, so I wrote love on my am. She would know what it meant, and she would understand that I was supporting her. When I saw Jane, she too had written love on her arm. 

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Sometimes it's just giving the love and attention to little things. Those who seem to be living life "okay" may also be trying to hide. Our world needs to have open eyes. Our world needs to see the effect that it could be having, and realize the one that it actually has. You, all of us as individuals need to stop living only for ourselves. It's not all about us. Join me, join TWLOHA in showing support today towards others who are hurting, and who have attempted or thought about attempting suicide. 

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This is the Love I had written on my arm two years ago. 

I now have love permanently written on my arm as a daily reminder to myself, and a great conversation starters with others. 

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Romans 5:8 

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Speak up. For you or someone else.  Check out TWLOHA. 

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Don't let silence win. 

2 John 1:3

“Grace, mercy and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love.”

Just keep swimming

A father was attempting to teach his daughter how to swim. As he stood in the water encouraging her to jump to him, the only think running through her mind was the question of whether or not her father was actually going to catch her. She wanted to be positively sure that her father would save her from drowning, trying to build her trust in her father. As she took off and jumped into the water the father moved a step backwards, and as she continued swimming towards him he continued stepping backwards. She was giving it everything that she had each step that he took backwards as he encouraged her to continue swimming to him, to swim further and closer to him.

Now you can imagine what some of the thoughts going through the daughters head might be as she is paddling her hardest to catch her father. "Why is he moving away from me, why isn't he saving me, I'm going to drown and he is running from me?"

These thoughts, this idea of a daughter trying to catch her father, are a lot of the thoughts and feelings that I have had since returning from Fort Thompson South Dakota back to Manhattan Kansas. I haven't been home long, but I've been home long enough to know that I don't feel at home. That's a rough thing for me to say, but it's so true. I know how many friends and family and loved ones I have here, but I know that I have a calling for more.

Since I was a little girl my mom has told me that I would never be close to home. I didn't really know what that meant because until I was 17 I didn't know what God had planned for my life. I'm not going to live close to home, God's got something greater for me, and I don't know what that means. For right now I know that God has me here. That truth has been my only comfort since coming home. God has me here, and there is purpose for me being here.

Whether that be the awesome youth group I volunteer with, the kids that I'll be working with when I get back to work, the community that I have around me, the family that I'm not to far from, the awesome lifegroup and church that I am involved in or just the day to day people that I'll see. The friends that I have that aren't to far from me, and that I don't have the opportunity to see often. Whatever it is, I trust that God will show me His purpose....eventually.

I feel like I am aiming to get closer to God, to reach out to him and learn his plans for my life. The further I get from the ledge, the more He keeps looking me in the eyes and telling me to keep swimming. If I start to doubt or drown I know He will reach His hand out to save me, but He's trusting me with the swim and teaching me to trust Him with the plans.

I know I haven't shared a lot about my summer or details on everything. If you want to know those details, or if you have any questions about my summer you can email me: hfrost@mccks.edu

-Holly

Support Letter

This summer has been quite the experience. I've had the opportunity to be involved with so much more than just Cantemawaste summer camps; which is part of Diamond Willow that I am actually interning for. I've had opportunity to be active within the community, and watch some pretty miraculous things happen in the hearts of some of the sweetest youth. A few weeks ago I witnessed a wedding, and baptized a student from Manhattan, who was on her own trip up here to work a few weeks of camps. God is moving up here, and I have been so blessed to be a part of it. 

A few weeks ago we had a pretty bad storm. It ruined the camper that me and the other three interns were living in. Everyone from camp was safe. God has his hand over us. The community had one fatality, whose grandchildren are involved with Diamond Willow. For the most part the damage wasn't as bad as we could have imagined. Praise God! However, in this storm I lost a window out of my vehicle, and was not prepared financially for any mishaps. I haven't had a final estimate of costs yet, but I know I don’t have the finances to cover it.

First and foremost I ask for prayer. 1. For thanks that the storm; as bad as it was, didn't leave a bigger amount of damage. 2. That God will work and that He will take charge of showing me needs and that He's got me covered. As you can imagine this is stressful. But God has shown me more how it's stretched my faith to trust in Him. I'm not one to ask for financial support, but God's put me here to show me that He's got me. I thank you for your time and energy to share love with me, and for your prayer and support.

If you would like to support financially, the window repair is looking to be about $300. Another concern that I am having is for my cell phone bill that accumulated twice what I was expecting it to be. It is a subject of prayer for me so I can keep accountable to contact with friends and family and work. It’s about an extra $100 dollars.  Any support can be sent to:

Holly Frost

Po box 438

Fort Thompson, SD 57339

Your help is much appreciated!

To keep updated on my summer adventures and what God plans for my life after this internship, continue checking up on my blog. I have many summer experiences that  I plan on writing about and haven't gotten around to yet. Yes, one of them is all about the storm. 

God Bless and lots of love, Holly Frost

Where do you see His beauty?

This morning I was reminded that God created man to be His greatest and most beautiful creation. 

How often do I find myself staring at the beauty around me not found in God's greatest creation? How often do I seek His beauty in nature? How often do I have terrible thoughts about people? About God's GREATEST creation? Far to often. Tonight I spent some time with other people, who I truly see God's beauty in, and then coming out here...

He's beauty is so much deeper than a pretty sunset, deeper than the stars, deeper than the sounds of the birds. His deepest beauty is inside others. 

Zephaniah 3:17

I have not been able to feed my spiritual self enough lately. I have such a desire for God's word, it's unimaginable to think of. This hunger for His word is so fresh that I'm still amazed at His promises, big and small! The greatest promise is of His grace, given through the blood of Jesus. What a gift! 

**This is not the verse Zephaniah 3:17, but I encourage you to go and look it up and be encouraged and empowered by God's promises**

To My Best Friend ...In Honor of National Best Friend Day

Best

/best/

Adjective

1.     Of the most excellent, effective, or desirable type or quality

Noun

1.     That which means the most excellent, outstanding, or desirable

Friend

/frend/

Noun

1.     A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

2.     A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

Best Friend

/best frend/

Noun

1.     A persons closest friend

If you did what I just did, looking at those definitions with your best friend in mind you DID NOT agree that those definitions did any justice for them. My best friend and I’s relationship cannot be defined that easily. I think my best friend is 100 times greater than that. That’s why she’s my best friend.

Today was National Best Friend Day, and as hard as it is being 500 miles from my best friend it was worth celebrating.

I tend to be a very narrow minded, very selfish person. Especially when it comes to friendships. I never wanted ordinary friendships. I never wanted people who would act like they cared, and then talk behind my back. In high school I never wanted that to happen to me, and I never wanted to be that girl. So I refused. I worked to be the best of a friend that I could be. I wanted extraordinary friendships.

There is no really cool story, or defining moment to my best friend and I's becoming of friends. We had known each other for years through a ministry we did together, but it was only recently that I could tell she was the definition of a best friend. It happened rather quickly, and it is surprising we have made it so long without each other. Both she and I also were/are very iffy about the term best friend. I've had multiple best friends over the years, but none like Brittani. None that actually stood this far apart from your typical friend.

I made a list earlier this week about the qualities that made her "da best". It was a list of funny things and serious things, but a list that truly defined a best friend.

This "holiday" if it can actually be called that, is a great reminder to give thanks to our friends for being the best. From the late night chats that we have nightly, or the multiple chick-fil-a dates we've had, the introverting together, the phone calls while we took some of the longest drives alone, the movies, together and apart, the nights when she just sings, the laughs, the tears...that we know about but haven't actually shared, and all the other great moments we've had. I couldn't imagine life without her.

Life gets messy and crazy and emotional. We need a person to be with us in those moments. Life gets beautiful and exciting and awesome. We need a person  to be with us in those moments. We'll have plenty of people come and go in our lives, but a best friend is going to make it through the sticky parts. We'll have people jump in when we're flying high, and a best friend is going to call them out on that. We'll have relationships and break-ups, and we need a person for those moments too.

The number one thing that makes my best friend stand out among everyone else is her constant encouragement in my walk with Christ. There is nothing more important to me than my walk with Christ, and that walk isn't something I can do on my own. Life isn't a walk I can do on my own. We can't do any of it on our own, and we need people to motivate and push us forward. That's what a best friend is for. That's what my best friend is super good at.

Having a best friend is a need. Being a best friend is a need. We can't expect people to give and give and give to us, and not give anything in return. I aim daily to be as good of a person to my best friend as she is to me.

Happy National Best Friend Brittani. I love you long time.

-Holly

Growing Pains

As much as I want to tell you all the tasks we did this week, I'd rather share how God really stretched me this week. We didn't have a camp this week and we haven't had a work group for the past two weeks. There were a lot of tasks for us to get done, but the work load can get done a lot quicker with five of us working on it. So we also had an unusual amount of down time. 

 

I'm just put it out there; this week I really started to miss home. 

There are so many reasons as to why, but some of the bigger triggers were:

1. My little brother -- as soon as God starts to make some great movement in him, Satan shows up and knocks him back down. It's super discouraging for him, and there are just a lot of other factors...I hate Satan, he's a bully.

2. I miss my high school girls. I had time to have great conversations with a few of them, and it was really great but I also feel like I'm missing out on their lives. I also had one who had a crappy week, and I wanted nothing more than to take her to ice cream, but I couldn't. 
3. I miss my best friend. I really just need a hug, and to hear that I'm where God needs me. Growing in my faith isn't easy, but I know that He's got me. 

4. To top it all off, my home town flooded this weekend. I wish I could have been there to help, to help my mom get her house in order, and to help the community.  Instead I just got to pray and get updates from Facebook.  

 

I know that I'm not going to be able to do it all, and I know that the second I leave this place I'm going to wish I was back. As I have read my devos this week, I realized that I am not alone in the struggle of growing pains. As I read through some stories in the Bible I realized that God has brought every one of his servants through some large portions of growing pains. 

These growing pains are different than what I remember as a child.  Obviously they aren't physical growing pains. It wasn't till maybe two years ago that I would have had the relationships to miss or the relationship with my family to feel obligated to be there in a time of need. I wanted to adventure, and to go off to the ends of the earth doing God's works, but now I couldn't imagine doing that without these people in my life. 

 

My faith has been pulled and stretched in many uncomfortable ways, and coming up to South Dakota is one of the biggest steps. I love my people, and I love my family. I love knowing that they'll have my back at any moment and catch me when I fall. Physically I don't have them with me; physically they are hundreds of miles away. That's tough on my soul. 

These moments in life are worth the pain because I get to be a part of a bigger story. The story of Jesus going to the ends of the earth. The story of love. The story of victory. As much emotional pain I had this week, I had a great focus of one day Jesus is coming back. That promise pulled me through this week of growing pains, and maybe even stretched them out. I love sharing scripture and I love encouraging you friends to go and read it for yourself. Revelation 22:6-21 – This is a promise that Jesus is coming back. This is a promise that every physical, emotional, and spiritual growing pain we have is worth it because one day Jesus will return, and one day I will rest with him in heaven! 

 

<3 Holly 

Why are we "here"?

I love giving others compliments, encouragement, any words of affirmation. I also enjoy getting them, I'm not the best at receiving them because I feel like I need to turn right back around and compliment them but I do like them. I also can't except them very well, I like get weird and the words thank you just don't come out. 

This week I thought a lot about purpose. Why am I here, what is my purpose. What am I good at. This thought came from a conversation me and my best friend had. Everyone struggles with saying positive things about themselves, and from a conversation that was typical for the two of us, Britt said "That's what I'm here for...well that and obviously many other reasons." I love knowing what others see in themselves, that way I can feed into areas maybe they don't see. Maybe it's the counselor in me. I don't know, but it was fun to challenge her to make a list of reasons she's "here". In return to her list I made a list of my own, because I like to challenge myself if I challenge someone else. 

So here's what I got...

Encouraging -- Everyone is capable of doing what they set their minds to. I don't want to hold anyone back, but move them forward.

Hugs -- Physical touch is not something I've been comfortable with but I get told that my hugs are great and I know that hugs show love and compassion.

Optimism -- With encouraging others I know that sometimes others won't see the possibility of a better outcome. I like to place that outcome as a possibility.

Forgiving -- I have been hated and I never liked the feeling of it. Holding a grudge or hating someone is to much work and forgiveness is a new freedom and a new possibility of a relationship. 

Intentionality -- I like to know I that others know I care so if I can go out of my way to remember something or put someone above me then I feel one step closer in that relationship. Remembering even the little things, others take notice of that. 

Sensitive -- I never thought it would be okay to cry. I never thought I would be able to show others sensitivity. But going through sensitive things and cry with other is an important relationship goal. 

Selfless -- I will go above and beyond to put you above myself. To give you what you need. To always help you and love you. 

It took me a good chunk of a time to write these out, but it's felt great to see the gifts that I've been given to share. To remind myself of my purpose and why I'm "here".

-Holly

DWM...week one

Last Sunday my summer adventure started, and about 1 am Monday morning I finally made it to Diamond Willow. Nothing has been slow around here, I swear we are constantly moving to do something. So I figured I would try to do a day by day break down of the week.

But first I guess you need a break down of the people I' might mention.  

Dave: He's my boss, but he's super cool. He has been at DWM for 6 years with his family; his wife Vicky, and their kids Jacob, Andrew, Nathan, Vicka and Ellana. 

Annie: Who I guess is also my boss who is under Dave and they tag team camp operations. She's from North Carolina and has the greatest accent! 

Rod: Who is the man behind the scenes, and behind the pulpit on Sunday Mornings. He's been here from the beginning with his family: wife Val, and their kids Aaron and his wife Cricket, Hannah, Timothy, and Rachel.

Gale: She feeds me. :) 

Shannon: She helps feed us.

Jac, Bethany, and Hannah May. These are the other interns that I get the pleasure of living with this summer in an 8 foot wide camper. 

Our first week was 6th and 7th grade girls camp, and let me tell you...these girls are awesome! Camp doesn't officially start until Wednesday, but we have things happening all week around here. 

This weeks break down: 

Monday:
Monday morning we were up at 9 am, and in the office ready for whatever was going to happen. Jac, Andrew and I started cleaning the church from all the weekend ruckus that had went on. About 3 o'clock that afternoon a work group from Kingsway Indiana got here. There was 4 of them, which made for an exciting week. We walked through what the camp week was going to look like, and broke up the lessons, activities, and those sort of things. It was a super easy breezy day.

Tuesday: 

Tuesday was an 8 am morning, and this morning we did worship. Which I really enjoy because I get to play guitar (I don't like singing and I feel like I can connect with worship more through playing). Chris from Kingsway did a devotion over God's promises, which is our theme for the summer camps. It was a nice way to get us pumped up for whatever this week was to bring! We also went to the museum this day. It was awesome! If you don't know this about me, I LOVE museums and things like them! There is so much history that is available for us, and it was just awesome. (I'm working on a blog post with this information in it, so look forward to that!) That night we went out to The Fort to find girls interested in coming to camp. This is always an adventure, especially with groups because you really get to see things and I think it's my favorite part of the week. 

Wednesday:
Wednesday I was up at 7:30 to run through the worship music for that day. We had breakfast, worship and did another devotion (we do this everyday so I probably will just say routine). We then had some free time to get our lessons prepared for camp, and then following lunch we went out to pick up girls for camp! So this summer I'll get to drive a little for pick ups and drop offs, but this week I rode with Annie to do them to learn the town a little bit better. As we were driving through Central Annie goes "Look there are some girls are the park...oh never mind that's Pierce." Pierce is a boy that I had for camp last summer, and I adore him. I hadn't seen him yet since I came up for the summer, so Annie stopped to let me say hello. Made my day! 

After we finished pick ups we came back to the church and broke up into teams. My team ended up with three girls, but we were the A Team, because their names all ended with an A. Our lesson this day was about Noah and the promise of the rainbow. It was an awesome way to kick off the week of God's promises.

Thursday:
After our routine morning and picking the girls up, we broke up into our groups again to go over the lesson of God's promise to Abraham. God promised Abraham all these descendants and that one of them would be a savior. This day was tough, because the girls were really pushing Jac and I. They wanted to test us, and see how real we were. It took me a little while to understand that this is what they were doing, and that it was actually an awesome thing, because it also meant that there may be trust growing with them. We took time to memorize bible verses today, and one of our girls knocked it out of the park in getting down to business and getting a lot of memorization done. We had a rock star group!

Friday:
We talked about two promises on Friday. The first one was Jesus Christ and the promise of the cross, the second one was the feast and the promise of heaven. It was really cool to experience theses lessons with the girls, and see what their thoughts and how much they knew about these promises.
Friday was also our hike day. We went out to the bad lands, which is about two hours from where we are and we went on a 4 mile easy prairie hike. Our girls were awesome with staying with us as a group and we got to have some great Jesus conversations out there. At the very end of our hike there is a "hill" that's more like a mountain for me from Kansas, that we had to get down. There was a leader here from Kingsway who is terrified of heights. Me being the patient person that I am, took an hour to help this lady down the hill. It was one giant rock of crappy terrain that the girls could make it down in 7 minutes. It was actually a lot of fun for me to help her down. I love those sort of situations, and this lady reminded me a lot of my mom. It was enjoyable for me to be a helping hand, plus she paid me in dark chocolate m&m's!
Friday night was also our sleepover...I'll leave out a lot of the details on that because well...I can. It was an interesting night though, and I enjoyed that as well.

Saturday:
Waking the girls up the next morning was a mediocre task. Some of them weren't having it, and some of them thought...yeah, I'm hungry so I'll get up. It was a fantastic day finishing up camp, and such. We announced the team that had the most points that week, and we announced who had the most points in memorization points. It was fun to reflect back on all their hard work.

Sunday:
Church! I love church up here. Obviously the atmosphere is different than UCC, and not just size. Worship is not as contemporary, we sing some songs in the native language, and I always get the chance to meet someone new. That and Pierce was here. It's always good to see that little rascal, and there were camps girls here too, who now feel comfortable around me. It was a good day! :)



Sorry my post isn't super in depth, but this is what routinely my weeks will look like. As the summer goes on I hope to write more about experiences and culture things, but this is a good week one and what I'm sort of doing.
Again I appreciate everyone's support through prayer, financially, or just reading these blogs. I appreciate you.

I do want to leave you with a verse that was my comfort verse this week and that's Isaiah 41:10...go look it up ;)

-Holly 

New adventures

First of all thank you to everyone who has been reading and praying for me as this week has come to an end. Today I head off to South Dakota. Hopefully leaving Manhattan in the next hour and will be there by 11 tonight. 

This is a huge step for me. My first adventure alone, and I mean like outside of my family and friend group alone. I have an 8 hour drive by myself, and I'm kind of excited for that. I feel grown up and responsible. It's awesome.

At the same time, I have hated saying see ya laters. As exciting as it is to leave and come back, I hate missing out onwhat everyone is doing this summer. I also know people are jealous of my adventure, so it's even. :P 

As I head out I just wanted to ask for prayers over safety, and my car...if you've ever seen it, you know why. I'm lucky to have a vehicle. It's a nice luxury. It makes it from point A to B. Also prayers that I'll get settled in quickly. Our first work group and camp starts this coming week! Woohoo! 

Thanks friends, I'll report back soon about the trip :) 

God Bless,

 -Holly 

Pray Day Monday...Take 3

It's the final count down!

Thankful for:
So this week my positivity game is having to go strong. I have 5 days until I leave Manhattan and head for Fort Thompson. I'm really excited for what my two months there are going to bring, but Satan still has me thinking that I'm still going to lose things here. Whether that be status, relationships, jobs whatever. Satan is up to some mean tricks. Not only in my life though, but also in lives around me. Satan is picking on friends with their own insecurities, but I think Satan's an idiot because God has let us team up and share those insecurities with each other to help build each other up. It's great how God has brought me two awesome women into my life for such a time as this, and it's great bond has me sure in the fact that our relationships will not dwindle.

Over the weekend I graduated from Manhattan Christian College with 2 degrees. Bible and Leadership, and Christian Education with an Emphasis in Youth Ministry and Counseling. This is an overwhelming blessing that God has giving me, because I never thought I would make it. He's raised me from nothing and into something to strengthen His Kingdom. God's game is strong!

Last week my prayer request was prayer for financial support as I head to South Dakota. God did some pretty great things, and gave me some pretty huge support. I'm thankful for what he has given me, but please continue prayer because I'm still not there. God is good!

I'm thankful for my family. As they all gathered Saturday to help me celebrate graduation, I was stressed and quite ready for them to leave. But after they left I missed them. They did so much to make this weekend special. Mom cooked 140 burritos, Dad saved the day with ice and soda, Michael and Laura were helping in anyway they could to keep my stress down, and Morgan was trying so hard to help also. I appreciate them all. But most of all I was thankful that God let Tre be a part of that day. That he was able to come and celebrate with me.

Prayers for others:
The high school girls that want this summer to be a great one. That they'll find new adventures, and they'll have a million stories to share with me. I can't wait to see how God uses them right here in Manhattan, and on the trips they are taking.

For two friends who are kind of struggling the same emotional battle and insecurities. These ladies are absolutely stunning in personality, and I think they're like the raddest girls around. Satan's game is strong, but they are beautiful women of God, and eventually when the time is right He will win.

My friend DJ who is just striving for Jesus. She is a huge light on others, but she asked to be lifted up and that God would draw her near. Also praise God, because she now has three awesome incredible job opportunities this summer.

For my youngest brother. He is at a group home and doing great, but the medicine that they put him on is jacking up his diet to where he can't eat. Over the weekend he had a bowl of fruit, and as bad as he was feeling he couldn't eat. It was awful to watch and not be able to help. Also please be praying that God will strengthen him to be an overcomer. Tre is a great young man, but his guidance is mislead. He has a huge heart and I want so badly to see him use that for the Kingdom.

Prayers for me:
I have two finals this week, that I'm not super stressed about. But I need motivation to get the crap done.

I also still have packing to do, and see ya laters to say. So many people I want to spend time with and I know that they're all not going to happen, but that I can get in the important ones.

For safe travels as  I leave Saturday morning.

Finances, and that I'll continue trusting God with them.

I appreciate everyone who reads this and joins in for prayer with me on Mondays. Please if there is anything that I can be praying for you about, at the top left of this page you can email me any request. If you want other prayer support I can share them on the blog, if not I won't, just write it down :)

Love Holly

Journey...Step 1

Tomorrow is a huge step in on my journey of life. I beat a lot of odds, and proved a lot of people wrong. I'm graduating college. This was no easy step. It was a constant up hill battle, but I wouldn't exchange it. Congrats to all graduates! May you beat all the odds, ever against you. 

Pray Day...Take 2

This is my vulnerability and personal request this week.

This past Sunday at church our pastor was hitting the topic of money hard, and said this:

“If you are struggling financially, more than likely God is not number one in your heart.” He used Matthew 6:21 “where your treasure is, there your heart is also.”

 I firmly believe that my heart is fully aligned with God, but I have never trusted him fully with my finances. Today as I was driving home to visit my family I was thinking over my financial struggles, and over what Barry had said. I started just talking with God, and I surrendered. The conversations that followed that afternoon with my family was undeniably God working through their words to confirm in me that I was ready to trust him with my finances.

As my older brother: who is a dad of three kids and has taken on the task of raising my two youngest siblings, and I were sitting on the couch we started talking about financial struggles. I wasn’t sharing anything at the time he made this comment “Holly you and I have gone through hell to support ourselves, and we don’t get recognized for how far we’ve come.” This got me on three different thoughts: 1. It sucks that we don’t get recognized, 2. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for anything, and 3. I don’t think I share often the struggles I’ve come through to get to where I am. 

As most of you know I am getting ready to take off for the summer to South Dakota, and well there is a lot I have to take care of financially. My internship is unpaid, and I am just graduating college. I have been living paycheck to paycheck for most of the five years I’ve been in school. I also pay my own bills: phone, rent, etc. Leaving and not having a firm cushion under me is a terrifying feeling, but my mom’s comment today got to my heart. As we were talking about all these things I had to take care of and the total cost that we were looking at ($1200ish) I got frustrated and over anxious. She looked at me and asked, is this what God has called you too? My response “…yes. I’ve never been so sure!” She said “then God wouldn’t send you if he didn’t trust you. Where is your trust in him?”

So, on my drive back to Manhattan I was so upset and sick to my stomach because I wasn’t sure if I could really do this. As I was frustrated and asking God if he really trusted me, I got a tweet sent to my phone from a good friend. She wasn’t talking to me or about me, but it made so much since in the situation. “Will you stop complaining and recognize that you’re not in control of everything?” (@brittanirshank) My thought was “OKAY GOD. FINE, YOU’RE IN CONTROL. WHAT NOW!?”

This is how this post has come about. God has hit me hard with being transparent, and the number one thing I hate admitting is that I need financial support. I have a do it myself mindset, and attitude. But God is showing me that The Body of Christ works as one. I’m not asking for your money so I can go off and live care free, I’m asking for prayer support. I’m asking that you’ll pray for God to open doors for me. I’m asking that you’ll pray blessings over my summer, and the ministry that’ll I’ll be working with. That’s what God has asked me to ask for, and to let him open doors for financial support or opportunities.

I thought God was crazy at 2:30 this afternoon for asking me to write about this and I had that thought for two different reasons. 1. No one reads my blog, and 2. No one wants to read another financial need. I want to just finish with this; Barry said on Sunday that “We grow by making a commitment. We need to say I’m in. Growing involves being stretched.” I love knowing who is praying for me, so please once you read this and if you decide to add me to your prayer list, I just ask that you email me and if you want even type up a prayer so I can have it. J Ya’ll rock and I appreciate your support in all the things God is doing in me.

Philippians 2:13